is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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