this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
