Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
