Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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