I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
