At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
