i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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