I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
