dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I didn't notice because vodka
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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