I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
