Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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