I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
