last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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