I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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