I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
