I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
