yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
