there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
