im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
