I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
