Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
