I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
