I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
