Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
