When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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