1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
