Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
