Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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