so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
