i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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