I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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