Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
