batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
