Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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