Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
