she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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