yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
