She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
