there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
