he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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