Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
