and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
home. puking in laundry basket.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
