she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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