you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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