In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize