So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
