My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
