sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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