i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
