I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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